Screwed.edu
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
