wakey wakey hands off snakey
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
