i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
