Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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