I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
