I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
