Moan for me like Helen Keller
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
the liver wants what the liver wants
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
