What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
