you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
