They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
