he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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