I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
