sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
