I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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