You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
