if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
