the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
