Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
