So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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