Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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