I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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