he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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