why didn't you poke me back
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
