Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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