exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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