You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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