Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
