two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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