my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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