Michael Bay diarrhea
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
