bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
