i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Drunk is not a location!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
