I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My penis needs a shock collar
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
