Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
