Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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