I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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