I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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