just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
