Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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