and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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