fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
