My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
