we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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