Sponge bath it is.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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