My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
