sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
