if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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