so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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