she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
