Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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