No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
