I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize