Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
