apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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