I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
