i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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