There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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