Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
