we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize