Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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