WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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