Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
