You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
