Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
