She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
