Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
