so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
