WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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