are you still at the devil's house?
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
