I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
