Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize