I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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