So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize