"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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