Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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