I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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