Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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