When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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