AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
