I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
