Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
