I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
