am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
